A story of personal loss and grief – what if things had gone differently?

For almost his entire life, my elder brother hated hospitals, injections and medicines. Even when our mother administered insulin for herself, he would flee the room, as he could not stand the sight of the needle. So, it wasn’t unusual that he kept postponing his vaccination. Since the outbreak of the pandemic, except for two months, he regularly went to work – maintained all protocols, and stayed safe for most part.

On family calls, he would joke about how he does not need the vaccine, as he has stayed safe all along. We couldn’t agree more. On 18^th April, he came down with a bit of a sore throat and fever. “Please don’t panic” -he announced on the family group.

He looked alright for a week, but his cough was bothersome. The doctors advised him to go for a CT scan, but he kept postponing it- saying he would be fine. Three days later, reluctantly, he did go for the scan. The reports were not reassuring.

On a regular video call with the family one day, he showed his oximeter levels. It was 89 and dipping. Alarmed, we asked him to try getting into a prone position, which helped a bit. But it wasn’t going to be enough. His children took him to a drive-in oxygen place in Gurgaon. His levels didn’t last long and was back in the eighties once he reached home. He was feeling alright though, talking normally and eating well. We now know its Happy Hypoxia.

On 26^th April, we miraculously found a bed in one of the best government hospitals in Delhi. He walked into the hospital, and we lost him, two weeks later.

Though we had a lot of questions, there were some indicators of what could have gone wrong. He could have got vaccinated, he could have done the CT scan earlier, he could have had the medicines regularly. He was in denial for most part of his treatment, which resulted in this.

It is a lesson hard to digest, and a very bitter pill to swallow. For those who are reading this, get vaccinated at the first available opportunity, reach out to a medical professional at the first signs of any symptom – no symptom is minor. Please follow the doctor’s advice completely.

As we grieve the loss of our brother – just one thing troubles us all a lot. What if he had got vaccinated? What if he had taken the scan earlier? What if he had all the medicines? What if?