As children leave home for college or even when they get married, parents are often left with mixed feelings that are sometimes difficult to deal with. Here are some tips for coping.

By Deepika Khurana

Parents often say children grow up fast; one day you see them crawling, the next day they are walking, then driving and finally, ready to move out and be independent! Nothing makes parents happier than the fact that their child has got admission in a top-rated university or found their dream job. But, its never too easy for them to let their children go!

The empty-nest syndrome is a hard transition that leaves many parents to feel grieved, sad and lonely. But the ones who are most affected by the complicated feeling are either single parents or stay-at-home parents.
Even though it’s exciting to see children achieve and grow, the transition phase can really get hard on some of them. “It’s been four years into my empty nest,” says Kavita, a banking professional and mother of two girls. “But I’m still not sure whether I’ll ever be as happy as I was when my girls were young and around.”

Kavita’s older one left for the US about a decade ago. And when the time came, her younger daughter too made a similar choice. She joined the University of Chicago to give direction to her career goals. “After Krishnaya, when my younger daughter Kavya too decided to leave the country, it left me bereft. I am happy they are settled and doing well for themselves but the feeling that they are not around anymore leaves me with a sense of purposelessness,” she adds.

Though Kavita has a full-time job that keeps her busy, she still finds this phase difficult at times. “It isn’t that I miss them all the time, but being a mother was my primary identity,” she adds.
However, this notion of middle-aged women showing signs of depression when their children leave home has been proven wrong in research conducted by American sociologist Lillian Rubin. According to Rubin’s article published in the 1970s, “A sense of freedom or relief is felt by most women when their children leave. This is largely because a heavy burden of responsibility is lifted off the shoulders of many middle-aged mothers when the transition occurs.” Undoubtedly, children take up a lot of space, physically, emotionally, in every way. And, if you too find difficult to cope with the empty nest syndrome, here’s how to deal with it.

Coping strategies to deal with empty nest syndrome:

1. Face your feelings. It’s normal to miss your children once they decide to leave home – be it for further studies, work or marriage. So, all you can do is have a good cry, go through the family albums and talk to people/friends about the difficult transition that you tend to experience.

2. Practise being spontaneous. Be it an invitation for dinner, movie or book reading; these last-minute plans from your friends may sound little irrational at this point, but face it – the sooner you adapt to your new life and start being spontaneous, the happier you will be.

3. Allow yourself time to adjust. Being a mother is a full-time job. And, if you’ve been a stay-to-home mum, then all the more your life would have been more focused on your children and their daily needs. However, with your children moving out, it’s time you nurture new routine or habits. Empty nest feeling can be hard, but it presents a great opportunity to explore yourself and your interests. You can go back to work or volunteer at different places to get over the feeling of being lonely.

4. Adopt a practical approach. If you’re married or with a partner, don’t wait until the nest empties completely to discuss plans for the future and doing more together.

5. Seek professional help, if need be because empty nest syndrome can even lead to depression and anxiety. Your children moving out of your home is not the end of the world. So cheer up! But if you find it too hard to deal with the problem alone, discuss it with a professional.